Since this is my first post I will introduce myself. I am a single mom to two beautiful little girls, Selih is 3 and Sophia is 22 months. I also work full time so our days are usually pretty hectic. I am usually pretty private but I have really enjoyed reading other peoples blogs and have been wanting to start one of my own for some time now. Not that I really expect anyone to read it, and I'm not even sure if I am going to tell anyone I know that this exists, at least not yet. But my hope is that it will be and outlet for me, a way to express all that is constantly running through my mind and to share the everyday things happening in our lives. So that said, let it begin!
This is the first week in over a month that I have had 2 days off. I've been picking up shifts because everyone has been taking vacations but it really wore me out. These past few days have been just what I needed. I went to bed early the past couple of nights and got some much needed sleep. The girls and I have just been hanging at home, did some furniture rearranging, home organizing, and some refreshment on our bedtime routine. We have been so busy that the girls have been falling asleep in the car on our way home from where ever we've been. So when it came time for bed the past few nights they were more than a little resistant! Bedtime is something that has been a battle for me with both of my girls from day one. I know it has a lot to do with my crazy schedule and also my tendency to give in. But we are working on it. Besides, I kind of love snuggling with them in my bed, they wont be this little forever. As always I am just trying to figure out the best way to balance it all, do what is best for the girls and not lose my mind in the process, it's been a really good week :)
I have had a lot of struggles since I've separated from the kids dad. I wasn't sure exactly what it was but I just didn't seem to know my place anymore other than that I am a mom. First and foremost I am a mommy, and I love it , but I couldn't help feeling that I didn't really belong. I felt so different from my friends, from the coworkers I usually hung out with, and even from my family. Don't get me wrong, I have had an endless amount of support from my family and friends, but I just felt so different, like there was so much of my life that no one could see, or understand. I felt as thought I stuck out, like everyone who looked at me could tell I didn't belong. It's a really weird feeling. That feeling lessens each and everyday now, but I was thinking about it the other day, and I kind of got a new understanding of it all. When I began the relationship with my kids dad, my whole life changed so quickly. I was in love, we were together everyday, I didn't see my friends nearly as much. Then I got pregnant, every priority in my life change. My whole life became about my little family, and I loved it. I was truly happy. All that seemed to matter was him, me and our little baby. By the time baby number 2 came, I couldn't remember the independent, single, free as a bird girl I used to be, but I didn't care. But when things didn't work out, I was alone. I had never live this life alone. No one was there to share these beautiful moments with me. Suddenly my life wasn't turning out the way I had thought it would. Suddenly I didn't belong in the same world as my friends or the world I had just created. It took a long time to adjust to that and to realize that it was time to create a new life for me and my babies. A life that allowed time for it all, for family, friends and myself. It can be really tough, but let me tell you it can be the most rewarding challenge of your life. And it just keep getting better. It is me and my daughters against the world and I am not alone, I have them and they have me.
