Open your eyes

 I have been working on bed time and it seems to be working pretty good. My consistency has been key, this is something that I have known all along but haven't seemed to be able to remember. I notice that I second guess myself a lot on what is the right thing to do. I think that's because I am doing it on my own, I don't have another person here to back me up or reassure me that I am doing what's best. All mistakes fall on my shoulders and it is a big responsibility. All that being said I couldn't be more pleased with the way things are going. The girls are growing and learning more and more everyday, they are truly amazing. They are such sweet, loving, smart little girls and to see the way they love each other is so special.  Selih told me tonight that my singing is beautiful, I can assure it's not but as long as she thinks so I'm happy. The days an be challenging, the stress of rushing to work, trying to keep a decently clean house, and the tantrums and whining that come along with raising  2 and 4 year olds, and all the other "surprises" that I encounter through out the day. The stress and lack of sleep really got the best of me for awhile but more and more I have been finding inspiration to be a stronger, more self sacrificial person. This has been an eye opening year. I have been reminded to enjoy every moment, and to appreciate and respect life. You really never know when it might all be gone. In your life you may come across people that inspire you, enlighten you, or awaken you.  I have had so many amazing people in my life I really am lucky. But I have had to remind my self to pay attention, to stop focusing on the negative and to really look around and see the beauty in life. Sometimes beautiful things come out of tragedies,  but you have to pay attention.

Happy Birthday to ME

What a wonderful day this has been. I got a jump start on my birthday today, beginning with my free birthday coffee, any way I want it, from Starbucks. Let me just say that I LOVE coffee, so this was a great start. My friend and partner for the day at work brought me lunch, then my sweet friend Libby told me she wanted to treat me to nails and a pedicure as a bday gift (god knows I need it). When we realized that today would be the best day for both of us, I called my parents house to talk to my dad but before I could even ask my brother agreed to watch the girls until we all went to dinner later. Now my brother is 5 years younger than me and has no kids of his own so whenever he offers to watch my girls it warms my heart. (I have 3 younger brothers and they couldn't love the girls more. Nothing is sweeter to me than to see my baby brothers taking care of my kids.) So we go straight from work to the nail salon, work shoes and all.  I didn't care though, I haven't had my nails or toes done in sooooo long and it felt very good. From there I went straight to the restaurant to have dinner with my parents, my baby girls, my brothers and their adorable girlfriends. Dinner was delicious and it is always a good time when we all get together. The girls were very well behaved, and I was a proud mommy! I have always taken my kids to restaurants with me, good, bad or ugly. They are usually pretty good but Sophia is at that age that she just doesn't want to sit still and that can be quite challenging when you're trying to get her to sit in a high chair for an extended amount of time. I do allow the kids to play musical chairs ( I want to sit by meme, now I want to sit by uncle Ronnie...and so on) for a little bit, but not once our food has arrived and I do not let them get down from the table. I think it is reasonable to expect some moving a round from them at these ages, but I also like to be aware of  other diners and most definitely the servers( small children and a tray full of hot plates do not mix). After dinner we drove home and to my surprise both of the girls were still awake. Usually I put Sophia to bed first , we read our book 2 times, then off with the light and I rock her to sleep. Once she is asleep I take Se in and we read a story of her choosing then she goes to sleep. Well tonight we got home late, they were both tired (so was momma), and so I decided to try to do them both at the same time. Now we have tried this in the past but the seemed to just rile each other up.One would listen to the story, one would want to play, next thing I'd know they were both playing and I had just about given up. But tonight it worked beautifully, we read Selih's book first, the Phia's book twice, then off with the light. I rocked Phia a bit and they were both asleep in no time. A piece of cake, I think this will be our new and improved bedtime routine! The perfect end to a quite perfect day.

Now a little something else I'd like to share,while I was sitting in the spa chair earlier being pampered, the lady doing my pedicure told me that she was also a single mom.She told me that her husband had died 4 years ago and that it has been just her and her daughter ever since. All her family lives in Vietnam and she was left to care for her daughter, 15 at the time, all on her own. She went on to tell me how hard it had been, how her daughter had grieved for her father, waking up crying for her daddy, this on top of the usual challenges of raising a teenager. It's much better now, she told me. I could tell by her smile this was true. Her daughter is now 19 and going to college, she looked so proud when she told me this. I sat there as this lady massaged my feet, painted my toes, and all I could think is just how lucky I am, and how strong she is. This has been an eye opening year for me, and I really admired her as sheshared this piece of her life.  People have to overcome horrible, torturous obstacles everyday, so who the hell am I to complain about a little stress? I know in a few days I will be grumbling about the laundry, or the hairball that the damn cat hacked up in the hallway, but it is always good to put things into perspective. I love when these moments happen, when you feel silly for your complaints, and grateful for your life and all the people in it!

And so it begins!

Since this is my first post I will introduce myself. I am a single mom to two beautiful little girls, Selih is 3 and Sophia is 22 months. I also work full time so our days are usually pretty hectic. I am usually pretty private but I have really enjoyed reading other peoples blogs and have been wanting to start one of my own for some time now. Not that I really expect anyone to read it, and I'm not even sure if I am going to tell anyone I know that this exists, at least not yet. But my hope is that it will be and outlet for me, a way to express all that is constantly running through my mind and to share the everyday things happening in our lives. So that said, let it begin!

This is the first week in over a month that I have had 2 days off. I've been picking up shifts because everyone has been taking vacations but it really wore me out. These past few days have been just what I needed. I went to bed early the past couple of nights and got some much needed sleep. The girls and I have just been hanging at home, did some furniture rearranging, home organizing,  and some refreshment on our bedtime routine. We have been so busy that the girls have been falling asleep in the car on our way home from where ever we've been. So when it came time for bed the past few nights they were more than a little resistant! Bedtime is something that has been a battle for me with both of my girls from day one. I know it has a lot to do with my crazy schedule and  also my tendency to give in. But we are working on it. Besides, I kind of love snuggling with them in my bed, they wont be this little forever. As always I am just trying to figure out the best way to balance it all, do what is best for the girls and not lose my mind in the process, it's been a really good week :)
 
I have had a lot of struggles since I've separated from the kids dad. I wasn't sure exactly what it was but I just didn't seem to know my place anymore other than that I am a mom. First and foremost I am a mommy, and I love it , but I couldn't help feeling that I didn't really belong. I felt so different from my friends, from the coworkers I usually hung out with, and even from my family. Don't get me wrong, I have had an endless amount of support from my family and friends, but I just felt so different, like there was so much of my life that no one could see, or understand. I felt as thought I stuck out,  like everyone who looked at me could tell I didn't belong. It's a really weird feeling. That feeling lessens each and everyday now, but I was thinking about it the other day, and I kind of got a new understanding of it all. When I began the relationship with my kids dad, my whole life changed so quickly. I was in love, we were together everyday, I didn't see my friends nearly  as much. Then I got pregnant, every priority in my life change. My whole life became about my little family, and I loved it. I was truly happy. All that seemed to matter was him, me and our little baby. By the time baby number 2 came, I couldn't remember the independent, single, free as a bird girl I used to be, but I didn't care. But when things didn't work out, I was alone. I had never live this life alone. No one was there to share these beautiful moments with me. Suddenly my life wasn't turning out the  way I  had thought it would. Suddenly I didn't belong in the same world as my friends or the world I had just created. It took a long time to adjust to that and to realize that it was time to create a new life for me and my babies. A life that allowed time for it all, for family, friends and myself. It can be really tough, but let me tell you it can be the most rewarding challenge of your life. And it just keep getting better. It is me and my daughters against the world and I am not alone, I have them and they have me.